In Pursuit of Happiness

Heart-ache seems to be a recurring thing. As much as I try to run away from it, I find the same wounds reopening itself, and the thing about emotional wounds is that they've got this mob-mentality, where all the wounds tend to open at the same time, and they also have a fine way of getting even more to open. I guess life sucks like that.

Before, I tried to justify to myself that "yes, it was worth it", by reflecting upon the happier moments of the past; all the smiles, shared jokes, and time spent together. But now, I just feel shattered; burdened by those past incidences, trying desperately to relive them, but miserably failing. It's just so difficult, know? Maybe that's why I'm still stuck in the current state I am now. Thinking about it, it's been a few months, but I guess some things haven't really changed within me.

Thing is, I do treasure the memories, and appreciate everything that's transpired. But I just feel pathetic and rotten inside when I realize I'm the only one who feels the same way. Why do I still have to wallow in the past and the self-pity when firstly, don't think I deserve to be in this state, and next, have done nothing but tried to be positive, and to do GOOD to people around me in general. It sucks when I look at things these way.

But I guess such thoughts come only in moments of solitude and reflection. I'm aware I shouldn't be doing too much, and that I'm not the kind who looks like I've got much going through my head too, but I guess long bus rides does that to you: You're forced to think about life, the journey on the bus sorta does a good job on being a metaphor on the journey of life: you can't wait for it to end.

And you just want to die.

GAH!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! That last part was a totally random emo thought that came to me, so please ignore it, but the parts before that were genuine :(:(, I feel. Things happened, have happened, and will happen. I'll just face 'em and live on.

On a more positive note: Class outing yesterday was quite fun! Happy birthday ZhuYing and DaiNan! Also, today's Teachers' Day filming was really enjoyable, despite the fact we spent it under the sun, and I was wearing this black jacket which was hot. Yeap, with double meanings fully intended.

I'll be seeing you guys around I guess. I hope I'll be able to go back to Queenstown this National Day, and I'm really really really really really really really really looking forward to the National Day holidays. Like...really really really really really, because I'm sosososososososoosos tired, and I haven't watched Simpsons too which is bummer bummer bummer bummer.

PS: Evan Almighty's not as bad as it's been made out to be. There's certain twist to the story, and the overall message is uber-positive, so yeah, I look positive propoganda. When Evan was asked what made him think he had been "Chosen", he simply said...

"Isn't everybody chosen?"

And I liked that.