Raymond Angelo is the Exoticoption.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

VivaCity!

We're all aware that VivoCity is a play on the word "vivacity", which according to dictionary.com, means "characterized by high spirits and animation". Note that "vivacity" only applies when you actually got money. Please, don't go to VivoCity if you're strapped for cash; it's depressing. What's a gajillion square-centimeters of retail (hah! retail!) if you're not going home with a single article of clothing?

The thought of going home from VivoCity, carrying nothing but whatever you brought in is soo..........sad.

VivoCity is a city within a city. But WTF! Not another one! Velocity's opening up at Novena, near United Square. Read this: It's trying to usurp Queensway Shopping Centre as the ULTIMATE one-stop-mall for all sporting goods...but it will fail! I've seen what Velocity looks like. It's too clean; prim and proper. It's a PROPER mall! Those guys looking to buy sporting goods want cheap merchandise. You can't get cheap merchandise from a proper mall; and you can't bargain very much either. At least, that's what popular belief says. I know of under-handed dealings going on in Queensway, and what draws crowds to it is the black-market feel; striking deals with the shop-keepers.

And there's the LAN shop too. Unless Velocity has a LAN shop which lets school kids play, it'll be a white elephant. And it is white. Literally.

Velocity for speed, Vivacity for light-hearted orgies. What other cities can you think of?

KappaCity (Capacity)

For all lovers of Kappa and their products, KappaCity is the place to be. Screw Converse, and other lower-tier brands...Kappa rocks! Their logo shows two naked figures from both sides of the sexual boundary. I guess we know what Kappa stands for. Kappa-feel (cop-a-feel).

And they sell caps too. Lots of 'em. For the sake of being a Cap-a-City.

Their mascot is *drumrolls please* a KAPPA called Arnold, and his son, Arthur.

AfroCity (Atrocity)

Raynard Koh certainly doesn't need to go here, but for everybody else with a need to wig it out, AfroCity is the place to go. With a large range of Afros, with sizes ranging from large, to extra-large, one will be spoilt for choice at AfroCity.



Needless to say, one looks atrocious, no matter what wig they get. Afros were never in style. They look ugly even if you look like this handsome fellow. Blegh!


ElectriCity (Duh)
The deals are positively shocking. Electrical goods are sold at electrifying prices. One would die just to touch their products, and in fact, may die just from touching it. The Electric Chair is the main high-light of the store; it'll only kill you if you pass 100 miles per hour.



AudioCity (Audacity)

Plays really bad rap music all day and all night. Cream of the crop of their lyrics are as follows, and just for the record, I didn't make it up:

All you mother *******, ****you too.

All of y'all mother *******, ****you,
die slow mother ******.
My fo' fo' make sure all yo' kids don't grow.

You mother *******, can't be us or see us.
We mother ******' Thug Life riders West Side till' we die.
Out here in California, nigga
We warned ya'
We'll bomb on you mother *******.

If I could photoshop the logos, I would. If I could think up of more Cities, I'll post 'em right here. Raymond Angelo, keeping it real, fo' sho'.

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